Chapter 3: Home

I was a crazy person.

As the months became weeks and the weeks became days, I ran out of things to do, especially once I got home to Mesa where most of my friends were still in school. I filled my days with time-consuming, sometimes meaningless tasks, like combing out and restyling Tressie's dolls' hair and repairing Barbies with broken necks. I read the entire introduction to a book about the Mayan religion and set up an outline for Jace to write an essay (no, I didn't write it for him). I went to lots of end-of-school events for siblings as well as bridal and baby showers for friends. I read books with Troy & French-braided Tressie's hair. I helped my aunts make some big orders of cupcakes for their business. I tried some new restaurants & got food poisoning. & I stopped sleeping. No bueno.

If you know me or have been following long enough, you know that I don't sleep very well. Throw anxiety into the mix, and I wasn't going to bed until 4:30 or 5 in the morning. No sleep + plus food poisoning + plus anxiety =  very rapid weight loss and emotional instability. It was a problem.

I think the biggest thing for me was coming to grips with the fact that this huge part of my life was over. Sure, I had tried to think of life past the mission, but every time I did, my thoughts just swirled into chaos, imagining a million different potential scenarios.

When would I get to see him?

What will he sound like?

Will he smell the same?

What if I see him and go into shock?

What if I see him and melt into a puddle of tears and can't run to him and squeeze his guts out?

What if I smell funny?

Is he taller?

Will he be awkward?

Will I be awkward?

What if I see him and pass out and hit my head and get a concussion?

What if I run and jump on him and knock him over

What if I see him and can't control myself and ruin all his years of planning that special moment?

On Tuesday, the day before he got home, all I wanted to do was shop. Which is extremely bizarre for me because I normally can't stand shopping. But I did, so I spent the day at 4 different stores looking for something cute to wear when I saw him for the first time. Because suddenly all the clothes I owned seemed lame.

That night, my wonderful friends came to keep me company and check on my sanity. I sat at the table with Spencer, Jono, Caleb, and Olivia, trying to act as if it was just another normal night, but they could tell I was crazy too. Spencer and Jono made plans to dress up as ninjas and be the official, undercover camera crew for the next day. I just focused on breathing in and out.

Wednesday, May 15th, 2013 started nice and early. It seemed like practically everyone I knew was texting me and leaving me messages and calling to offer support. I went through my morning slowly with a long shower and actually taking the time to blow-dry my hair. And then I spent three hours doing a partial pedicure at the kitchen table while my mom made jam. I volunteered to pick up Troy from school and to take a family friend and her dog to the vet. Anything random to keep me busy. Twenty minutes before his flight was scheduled to land, I began the long process of curling my hair. Around 2:30, his dad sent me a picture from the airport, & I dropped my phone and squealed. 

He was home. Living. Breathing. Completely Real. 

I hurried and finished my hair, and then headed over to his house to make sure the Welcome Home sign was still in tact while he and his family met with the stake president. 

And then I went home. And laid on the couch. And waited.

Apparently, all my patience from the previous 728 days was completely used up, and I sorta lost it. I turned into a brat and started snapping at my family, especially my brothers. I was completely fed up with the whole waiting thing. Sure, he needed time with his family, but I wasn't feeling particularly rational at that time. Just impatient and irritated at everybody. Sorry to my family who experienced it and to Spencer to witnessed it. Oops.

A quarter to 5, I got a text from his mom's phone that said, "Hey I'm coming." And I flipped. A couple minutes later, I got texts from his parents telling me he'd be there in less than 10 minutes. 

Cue hyperventilation and dizziness.

Spencer called a second later on his way home from work to see if he had missed it, & when I told him Tucker was on his way, he came straight to my house, & crouched in the back of his truck video-taping the scene. 

Several cars passed, each of them bringing on a new wave of stress and excitement and nausea and mental breakdown. And then, there it was. The black suburban. Slowing down. In front of my house. Parking. And the first words out of my mouth were.......?

Oh crap!!!

The moment was here. There was nothing to do about it but go with it. No plan. No control over the situation. It just happened. I watched him walk towards the house, and then I couldn't stand it a millisecond longer. I flung open the door, leaped off the front step, & slammed into him. Hard. 

And that was it.

We were us again.

In his arms. Tight against him. Feeling his heart pound. Breathing him in.

Two years. 728 days. Over.

He was Home.

Surprisingly, my mom was the only one crying. Everything felt surreal. I refused to let go of him as he came in to say hi to my family. We made our way to his house for the big dinner, & on the way, I started nervously babbling about nothing. I noticed him watching me, and he cut me off with, "Hey. You look really beautiful." Melt. At dinner, he introduced me to his extended family for the first time as his girlfriend. He didn't once let go of my hand, and I don't think I ever got that silly grin off my face.

All too soon, he took me home. He had a meeting at the church, and he was tired.

We said goodnight, and I realized as I walked inside that it was only goodnight, not goodbye. I would see him again, in a matter of a few hours. No more two years. I didn't have to wait for a letter and imagine his voice. Because he was home for good, and the waiting was over.

And it was worth it.

Chapter 4: 4 weeks. Now what?