If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a missionary who can't focus. I mean, I know all young single adult males have recently been battered over the heads with calls to prioritize and date and get married already, but honestly, dude, you're on your mission. I'm pretty sure they meant for you to wait til you get back
...which is this July...*gulp*
Need a little background? Ok, so there's this guy I've known my whole life, but I always played with his younger brother who was just barely younger than me. He lived out of country for awhile, but he moved back for his senior year of high school, during which I went on one date with him, and apparently, he thought we hit it off.
Well, said guy left on a mission. He wrote me and I wrote him a couple times at the very beginning, never very consistently. Well, last summer, a mutual friend asked, "Karli, are you writing ****?" I explained that I had at first a little but hadn't at all recently. She responded, "Well, you should write him...no one writes him..." Guilt trip. I felt bad. So I started writing again, still not very consistently about all my mundane college happenings. And now I'm stuck.
His last letter suggested we do a special musical number together when he gets home and asked for pictures...I called my parents freaking out. They said it'd be ok but to maybe just send ones with me and other friends doing things instead of just pictures of me. So I did. Well, yesterday's letter was a little more forward. Actually, the letter itself was just fine, if rather long. The part that concerned me was the 5 line P.S. all scribbled out at the bottom and the 7 page "Application to Date a Return Missionary" form also in the envelope. If it was one of my good guy friends sending it, it'd be funny. It asks all about my family and likes and dislikes and what my idea of the perfect date would be and all these silly things. But it's a bit creepy too. Under "Vital Statistics" are blanks for the following: height, weight, BUST, waist, hips, shoe, dress size, RING SIZE, eye color, hair color, and hair length. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! Also, lots of questions about kissing...can I just put NA? It includes questions about past relationships, children, homemaking abilities, the perfect HONEYMOON, preferred length of ENGAGEMENT, and questions testing the applicant's knowledge of church doctrine. Essay questions included. It ends asking if the applicant will be available after the specified missionary's release date and the warning, "Penalty of falsifying information is a handshake instead of a kiss. SO DON'T SCREW UP!!!!" ...that's a penalty???
By this time, I'm a bit creeped and frustrated, especially with whatever missionary was NOT doing his duty and had all this extra time on his hands to write up this stupid and super creepy thing. Like I said, if it was one of my good friends, I'd fill the thing out with as much ridiculously made-up information that I could. It'd be a joke. But with this guy...well, I'm not so sure it's a joke. I hope it's a joke. I could just ignore it and worry about it once he gets home in July. I won't be home; I'll still be up at school. But since I've been writing him, and he just received all this prophetic direction, a "visit" to Utah might not be that far off the mark. I'm scared. Not cuz I think I might end up marrying the dude. Sorry, no. Just that, he's one of those "fragile" guys. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not one for "fragile" guys. And I WANT to be nice. But I am dead set against leading him on.
What do I do?!?!?!
P.S. This was originally written in frustration. I apologize for any unkind comments. It has since been edited to preserve identity and good feelings and such....
P.S. This was originally written in frustration. I apologize for any unkind comments. It has since been edited to preserve identity and good feelings and such....
Sadly, there's very little to be done at this point of the matter. When he returns, steps can be taken to hint your unavailability to him, such as not doing the special musical number, continuing to spend time with other men and friends, and in simply not making any moves yourself. It takes two to tango, and if you are putting zero effort into a relationship, he'll get the hint. In the meantime, not leading him on is a good idea. In your next letter, you might casually mention some of your favorite guys you're currently hanging out with, and what fun you have around them. Specifically, things about them that he doesn't have; things that make them not "fragile". Also mention any plans that will delay marriage from happening in the foreseeable future. If he's already wife-hunting while he's still on his mission, he wouldn't stand to wait long afterwards. Finally, if you do fill out the application, I would say do it in joking, but at the end, circle "Handshake".
ReplyDeleteThis is my advice. It may or may not work, and you're welcome to follow or not as you wish. I wish you luck in solving this problem, Karli.
I don't wish to tell Samwise here that he's wrong, but the fragile guys actually don't need any effort on your part to think they've got a relationship. It's really hard, and it really sucks, but don't be anything but distantly (VERY distantly) cordial to him. Don't answer his letter--I would suggest not writing him back at all. For sure don't do the musical number--that's entirely too much commitment, and kinda strange... Don't be rude, per se, but don't be nice either.
ReplyDeletePS--my mom says to fill it out, and for bust size, either put FFF, or -A... We can't decide which. :)
I'd definitely keep that and fill it out. Here are some options:
ReplyDeleteheight: depends--are we talking glue or spraypaint?
weight: will weight 10-12 years before taking this application seriously.
bust: your face if you ask me about this again.
waist: -ed 12 minutes of my life working on these wordplays.
shoe: I know the prophet, your mission president, and the speakers at every fireside you've attended for the past two years have rebuked you for not being married and running around in packs with other guys, but "shoes" the right and "weight" until you get back to start on that one.
etc. etc. etc.
However, seeing as he's a fragile one, you're going to want to keep said responses to yourself and scrapbook them along with any other interesting letters you may or may not have but most definitely have written this year;)
send it to his dad, in the D.R. and see what he has to say about it. ha ha
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say to this.... Other than it is completely ridiculous and rather funny. What a joke! If he's serious at all... he needs help- serious help.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, this is all so funny! Just don't ever send him the link to your blog when he gets back.
ReplyDelete