A Kind of Optimism

Turning walls into ramps.

Well, in case it’s not obvious from my lack of posting, I’ve been busy. Between spending time with dead people in the cadaver lab, classifying ancient artifacts according to how they decay, singing in choir concerts, auditioning for the School of Music, and going on dates, I really have time for nothing else. Seriously though, it’s getting ridiculous. I’ve never been one to date much. In the past eight months, I went on three dates. And in the past three weeks, I’ve been on two more plus one tonight. Like I said, kinda ridiculous. And it’s cutting into homework time.

But I digress. So back to the point of this post.

I used to think of myself as a happy, optimistic person. But as of late, I haven’t really been feeling that way. I’ve been so bogged down with things going on that I let the negative things penetrate me and affect the way I think. I’ve been fighting this negativity for a while but haven’t really made much progress. Then one of my friends mentioned that as part of his resolutions, he’s working on keeping his feelings clean and pure and kind.

What was that extra word?

Kind.

And that made me think. Am I a kind person? Do I think the best of people? Do I give people the benefit of the doubt when I feel wronged?

I hate to admit it, but lately, I haven’t been. I act nice, but my thoughts haven’t been kind. I’ve let the negativity get to me, and it has affected the way I think about people, even the people I love.

And that bugs me about myself. A LOT. How did I get to this point? I shouldn’t have let myself, but here I am, and at least I’ve recognized it. So now it’s time to change.

As soon as I realized this and caught myself thinking negatively about someone, I immediately stopped myself and thought of at least 3 good things that I love about them. It may seem elementary, but fortunately, so far it’s worked, and I’m determined to not let any negativity affect me to such an extent again. Don't worry; I don't actually think these other people are mean or bad. Most of the time, I know my negativity is illogical. But that doesn't make it ok. 

Something else I've realized as I've pondered this is that it applies to myself, too. I've never really had to deal with self-confidence issues. Well, at least lack of self-confidence issues. But lately, as I've struggled with different life paths, I've been neglecting my own view of myself. I've realized I'm not as good as a lot of people think I am, or even as I thought I was. I have a lot of things to fix, whether that be study habits, singing technique, or how I treat others. But I can't let these "flaws" translate into negativity about myself. In church yesterday, the guy teaching our Sunday school lesson said something that made a lot of sense for me right now. He said, "When you hit a wall, make sure you hit it hard enough that it turns into a ramp."  If I view these "walls" in my life as ramps to get me to the next level of growth where I need to be, then life has a much brighter outlook. 

From now on, I'm going to keep my thoughts and feelings KIND. It'll take some practice to get back into the habit, but I will think the best of others and myself, and I will view obstacles as a ramp rather than a wall to get me to wherever I need to be right now.

Optimism.