And...back to my movie quoting. Name that movie! :)
Remember how I decided I like my life? Well, I do. But these days, I'm looking for something extra. Something's just missing, and I don't know what it is. Classes seem like they'll be interesting. Except for my complete failure yesterday, the schedule I made has kept me going.
But it's only the fifth day of the semester, and I'm already sick of all of it.
I want to be done.
I want to be out of Provo.
It's almost that feeling that makes people decide to up and move to a foreign country on a whim with nothing but a toothbrush.
Or spontaneously go sky-diving.
Or take a road trip with no destination in mind.
Or chop all their hair off and dye it peacock blue.
Or get a tattoo.
Or paint a mural on their living room wall.
Or write a book.
Or attach a billion balloons to their house and fly to Paradise Falls (that was a clue to the quote above... :) ).
I guess I'm just restless. Problem? I have no money. I'm a poor college student, remember?
Maybe the thought of spending three weeks in England and Wales this spring will hold me over. Don't worry, I won't get a tattoo. Or dye my hair blue, even though I sometimes fantasize about it. I used to be loud and outgoing and adventurous. Lately, I just feel boring. For now, I'll just watch Survivorman and Up in my spare time.
Anyone have any ideas of how to feel fulfilled and spontaneous when you're stuck in Provo with no money? Or anyone wanna take me somewhere this summer? I need adventure in my life.
Karli,
ReplyDelete"Tremendous things are in store for you! Many wonderful surprises await you!...Mystic and marvelous surprises...will...delight,...astonish, and perplex you." Name that movie. Hint: it is scrumdidilyumptious. You seem to be waiting for a golden ticket to be content and completely happy. Remember the outcomes from getting a golden ticket was not at all what the children expected. Your perceived golden ticket might be studying music, or marrying your best friend, or being a mom, but the final outcome may not be what you expect and the pathway might take an unexpected route. It might be better or harder than you expect. I just hope you don't turn into a big blueberry. Remember chocolate streams can be dangerous. When you spend your days waiting for fabulous roses, you can miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around you (Name that quote. In fact, if you read all the talks from where I got this quote you might find some better perspective). Sometimes we focus on what the lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why (Another quote). You are stuck in your paradigm of what your golden ticket is and if you don't get it exactly your way you are confused and boggled (those are my words, but you can quote them if you want). You are on an individual pathway, marked by your loving Father in Heaven, leading to happiness and peace in this life and glory and inexpressible fulfillment in the life to come (another quote). If you are praying and reading your scriptures and doing what is right then you are on the right path. Be patient. Something big is on the horizon (this might be a quote). Study hard, be the best, you can do it, school is the means to an end. Avoid BWTs.
I love you, Dad
I can relate to this feeling ENTIRELY. I felt like I was almost reading my own brain. So i made it my New Years goal to make sure I just make the most of each little thing and not miss out on any opportunities, cause (hopefully) I won't be a poor college student forever, so might as well enjoy it. Or maybe we should go to england together..;)
ReplyDeleteKarli,
ReplyDeletehopefully this is not creepy, but we did play scum together! I am the expert at being a poorer than dirt college student! The best way to combat the doldrums (name that book!) is to find opportunities to volunteer. We, my roomie and I, felt the same way so we went, she dragging me, to help the handicapped kids swim every week - that was one of the most rewarding things I did. We helped coach a youth basketball team and other things too, sometimes they were one time things, others were weekly. There are many ways to to this and it is a lot of fun and helps with those feelings of the blahs.
Good Luck!
Karen