4 Years

"I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"
Probably not the Wuthering Heights quote you'd expect. Usually Catherine's "whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same..." overshadows this darker one.
But Heathcliff's mad desperation at the loss of Catherine - his life and his soul - is just..... 
Tucker is my life and my soul.
It has been that way since the beginning. We are sealed for eternity, and eternity has no beginning nor end. Therefore, we've always been... "us."
Looking back, it's been over a decade of "Karli and Tucker." People knew we were a package deal, even before the romance. 

Now our package just has a couple extra add-ons! ;)

The past year has been a whirlwind, that's for sure. We added Eli to our family, Tucker landed his dream-job, we bought a house and moved, I auditioned for and was cast in a dream role - Belle, and of course, all of this has the normal craziness thrown in with some really hard trials as well.

But one of my favorite things about "Tucker and Karli" is that we face things together. Problems mean we communicate and find a solution. I love that we see it as "us vs. the problem" instead of "me vs. you." And we support each other's successes.

I was at a late rehearsal a few weeks ago while Tucker was home taking care of kids and bedtime, and this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley came to mind:
The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, “You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.”
This is Tucker for me. He has been the most encouraging and supportive husband and father while I've taken on long rehearsals and what will be even longer performance nights.
He helps with cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms and does laundry. After we went out for dinner last night, I zonked out almost immediately while he stayed up helping a very weepy Annie settle down. When I'm craving Cowboy Fries from Filiberto's at 10pm, he reminds me I have spending money and sends me out the door (and doesn't judge me too much when I come home with McDonald's Dr. Pepper, too 😉 ) And when I'm whiny and tired and really want Zoyo, he goes and gets it himself.  A couple weeks ago, I asked him to pick up some bread and milk, and he came home with a dozen red roses! And for our anniversary, he surprised me with a night at the cabin with no kids! It was perfect, and I can't believe how lucky I am to be his wife.

He is quick to point out my strengths, and he encourages and loves me while I strive to overcome my weaknesses. He is constantly looking for feedback and working to improve himself, and I can't even tell you how proud I feel when I think of all that he has accomplished in these past 4 years.
I think that my most favorite thing about our marriage is that we help each other become better and reach our potential. We trust each other to call out our BS and ask for help and offer support and unconditional love. We know that we are better together, and we have so much fun in the process.

My favorite part of the day is in the evening after the kids are in bed when we get to sit and eat ice cream while watching a show or just talking or reading a book together or snuggling or swimming or laughing or whatever! It doesn't even matter. Because as long as we're Tucker and Karli, it's perfect.

our only picture from our weekend at the cabin

That's not to say that WE'RE perfect, though. We make mistakes. Sometimes there are hurt feelings and frustrations. But I feel so safe that WE are each other's priority. We're figuring it out. And we love each other more than anything else. For a couple years, we settled into a normal, comfortable, routine marriage. But it was a little stagnant. The past couple months, we changed that. We found the sparkle again, and it is so much better! I love being married to this man, and I can't wait to say that over and over again for the next 70+ years and into eternity.
Happy 4th Anniversary, my love.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's.....SUPERDAD!

Tucker goes by a few different names around here. Some of them being Dadda, Tucker-Love, Daddy Monster, Brother Denton, "T"...
But lately, he's been our Superman.
I don't really have words to describe how much of a hero he is to us, but I've been trying to be a lot better about snapping pictures when I see it.

He surprised me by putting up Christmas lights at our apartment, even with an overly helpful toddler underfoot.

A dad and his boy

Teaching Annie about Baby Brother

"Who loves Eli?" "Meeeeee!"

Riding the zoo carousel

I love that I caught him looking at her like this. <3

Woah!!!

A princess and her Prince Charming early Christmas morning

Loading both kids in the car

He is my equal in parenting - tag-teaming bedtime routines, reading stories, wrestling, tickling, making up silly songs, leading family scriptures and prayer, burping the baby, changing diapers, loading the car, packing the diaper bag, cleaning up barf, wiping tears, and supplying the best Daddy snuggles a kid could ask for.
I'm one lucky Mommy Monster, and I'm so thankful my kids will grow up with such an amazing, involved Superman dad.

Introducing...

Elias Christian
Sunday, December 18th @  9:04 PM
7 lbs, 4.7oz
20 inches

Let the TMI, gooey birth story ensue:
(You can read Annie's birth story here.)
Tuesday, December 6th, I had my 36 week appointment. Baby was head-down and low and guesstimated to weigh about 6 lbs 4 oz. I was also dilated to 3 cm and 50% effaced.
A week later, on December 15th, I was 3.5 cm and 100%. By this point, Braxton Hicks contractions were common and becoming stronger.
Late Friday afternoon (December 16th), I was laying on my bed and felt a small gush of fluid. It was only about 2 Tbs and clear and odorless so I wondered if maybe my water started leaking. Within the hour, I started getting really crampy and uncomfortable. I took a hot shower that night and had a hard time falling asleep from cramps and heartburn.
Saturday morning (December 17th), I woke up at 4:30 AM with a little more fluid and strong, regular contractions. They were between 5-10 minutes apart and hurting enough to make me stop whatever I was doing to breathe through them. Around 6:30 AM, I had my bloody show and kept losing parts of the mucus plug throughout the day. When contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and didn't let up for a few hours, we decided to head in to the hospital to get checked. Plus, if I really was leaking amniotic fluid, they'd need to see me within 24 hours anyway. By this point, I was in enough pain that I was hoping they'd admit me and it would all be over soon. Unfortunately, the amniotic fluid tests came back clear (I'm still not sure I wasn't leaking), and I wasn't dilating fast enough to stay. As the nurse said, "37 weeks is far enough along that we won't stop labor, but early enough that we won't help it either." So I got sent home with mixed feelings. I'd much rather labor at home than in the hospital, but I was really hoping things had progressed enough to stay. I spent the evening in a hot bath, and contractions slowed to every 10-15 minutes for a couple hours, though they remained strong. I went to bed ready for another night of no sleep.
Sure enough, on Sunday (December 18th), I was up again at 3 AM with the same contractions, still 5-10 minutes apart. Something also felt different at my cervix and when I used my fingers to check, I could feel my amniotic sac bulging out (I warned you this would be TMI and gooey). A hot shower offered little relief so we sent Annie to church with the family while Tucker and I stayed home, and I labored. I tried some walking and swinging and even some very gentle jumping on the trampoline, but mostly just bounced on my exercise ball and squatted and breathed through contractions. Tucker offered more than once to break my water, but with how quickly Annie came, I was too scared of having him on my living room floor. I just really, really hoped I was making progress and felt so lost about when to go back to the hospital, seeing as my contractions had stayed the same strength and were still anywhere from 2.5 - 12 minutes apart. Around 4 PM, I told Tucker that even though my contractions weren't changing, we'd check to see if I'd made any more progress, and if I had, we'd head to the hospital. A self-check guesstimated I was between 5 and 7 cm (don't worry, we were clean and careful about it) so we gathered our stuff, left instructions with my brother watching Annie, and headed back to the hospital.
A friend tipped that the loudest people are more likely to be admitted so I was sure to add some moaning through contractions as we checked in, even though I'm the type that gets really still and silent when I'm in pain. Luckily, I was able to talk enough to check in, and Tucker could answer whenever I couldn't. A quick check in triage showed I was at 6 cm, and with bulging waters that could break at any moment, they suddenly seemed to hurry things a little faster, which I was grateful for. Unfortunately, it took them 3 different tries to get my IV lock in and start me on fluids so that was annoying, but I was mostly just focused on each contraction. I almost broke Tucker's fingers a couple times so he had to adjust my grip so only his thumb was turning purple.
With Annie's lightning delivery, the doctor warned me that I very likely wouldn't have time for pain meds this time around so I was prepared for that. But this time, after 2 days of early labor and no sleep, I was ready to rest and enjoy my delivery. So I signed those epidural papers gladly. The anesthesiologist was waiting for us as they wheeled me into the delivery room and got to work right away. She was a nice old lady and chatted with Tucker about all the dads who faint and the resulting hospital rule of "Dads must be sitting during the epidural." It wasn't long before the tingly warmth started to spread, and a few contractions later, I was nice and numb. My one thing with epidurals is that I already have a tendency towards low blood pressure, so when you combine that with spinal anesthesia, I get a little droopy. I was prepared for that this time though, so I was able to warn the nurses and ask for oxygen. It's especially bad laying on my back (I'd get dizzy on my back all through pregnancy anyway) so I had to keep flipping from side to side every 20 minutes to make sure the epidural worked evenly. I still ended up with a deader left side, but I loved that I could still move and feel pressure and function enough. Last epidural, I was 100% dead from the abdomen down and couldn't move or feel anything.

After an hour of chilling and watching Heavy Weights and deliberating over names some more, they checked me at 7:30, and I was at 8 cm, but my waters still hadn't broken. Then around 8:30, Tucker asked when they'd check me again. The nurse said probably not for another hour, but I let her know that I have a history of progressing quickly. She said that my dr would come in and check me as soon as he finished a delivery so we'd see then. Around 8:50, he came in, and I was at 9cm. He broke my water and walked out to let me finish progressing. Except I immediately felt pressure like I had to poop so I told the nurse, and she speed-walked right out after the doctor to get him to come back while the other nurse got my legs into the stirrups. The doctor quickly got his apron on, and sure enough, there was baby, (Tucker: "Karli, he has hair!!!") and 6ish pushes later, he was out!
I remember looking down and seeing that scrawny, grey, goopy baby as they passed him up at immediately put him on my chest and suddenly feeling that overwhelming high of hormones. My heart beat faster, and I just felt so much love and gratitude and amazement at that tiny little human. I loved being able to recognize that moment and really remember it because for some reason, I didn't experience that with Annie. Of course I still loved her, but that rush of hormones was overshadowed by shock, I think, so bonding happened more over time with her.

As we rubbed him down and patted his back to help him clear his throat, the doctor clamped off the cord and instructed Tucker where to cut. Remembering the trauma from my first delivery, I suddenly thought to ask the doctor if I tore at all and was so surprised and grateful to hear a "Nope! Doesn't look like it!" A few minutes later, I delivered the placenta, which the doctor also held up and showed me - So cool! I passed the baby off to a nurse to get weighed and measured while the other nurses pattered around turning off monitors and cleaning up and such. Tucker and I both bet that this boy was smaller than Annie (6lbs 13oz, 18.5in) because she was 10 days early, and he was 19! But we were wrong! Little Boy surprised us at a healthy 7lbs 4.7oz and 20 inches! And then we got some time to ourselves to sit and look at our tiny boy.

Pretty quickly, Tucker said, "I think he's Daniel." Before going to the hospital, Daniel Reed had been our top name choice, but I could never fully commit to it. We also knew we liked Christian and Levi. But as soon as Tucker said the name out loud, I knew for sure it wasn't right. And the more he said it, the more he also knew it wasn't right. So we tried out our other name ideas and nothing was fitting! It's a bit of a scary feeling to be holding a human you made and have no idea what his name is supposed to be! So then we started tossing around other random names. Names that we'd probably brought up at one point or another but quickly dismissed or never thought about seriously. Tucker started going through biblical names: "Matthew? John...? No." Then I randomly had "Ephraim?" pop into my head, but that definitely wasn't right. But then Tucker stuck with the "E" train and suggested "Elijah? ...or Elias?" Definitely not Elijah.... And then we both kinda went "Huh...interesting." Elias just seemed to fit so well, but it also felt weird to just know that was his name so quickly when we had no inkling a second before. So I told Tucker we'd wait until morning to make a real decision.

Meanwhile, my mom had left pretty quickly after we let our parents know I was being admitted, and she pulled into town right after I had him. While we tried nursing, she was nice enough to go get Tucker and I big, juicy hamburgers and fries and shakes. Never has a hamburger and shake tasted so good, lemme tell ya!

After two hours of bonding (around 11PM), they moved me to a bigger recovery room with a comfier bed. I was a little sad to say goodbye to my delivery nurses Christy and Rachel because they were so awesome, but the recovery nurses were great too. I guess they were pretty busy because they said the wouldn't have time to take him away for a bath until morning, which I was just fine with. It wasn't long before the epidural completely wore off, and I was able to get up to use the bathroom and become a little more mobile. Of course, that first night is always a little rough because the nurses are coming in every hour to check on either you or the baby so we didn't get a ton of sleep, but we did get in lots and lots of snuggles.

First thing the next morning, Tucker and I confirmed that our little boy was officially Elias (Eli) Christian Denton, and every time we say it, we just marvel at how right it is for his little self. It was a bit surreal writing it on the birth certificate paperwork and realizing that this is his name for the rest of his life.

After breakfast, my mom brought Annie to meet Baby Brother. Up until that point, she'd been convinced his name was Daniel Tiger, but the moment she saw him, she sang "Baby Eli!!!" and ran to him with kisses and loves. Seeing Tucker sitting there with both our kids on his lap just about killed me with cuteness and love. I have a whole different post waiting to brag about the amazing dad and husband he's been during this transition. I've loved every minute of watching our growing little family together.

We stayed in the hospital until early Tuesday afternoon, and the transition to home has been fairly smooth. Annie is a good helper though is definitely a little more needy, which we're trying to be patient with. And with it being the holidays, there's plenty of family around to snuggle and help.

Mostly, I'm just so glad our little Elias was here for Christmas and that our family feels so much bigger and more whole with him in our lives.

TBT: When Tucker Asked Me to Prom

Monday was a pretty special anniversary around here. I was out of town and Tucker has work at 5AM so we didn't do anything to celebrate, but there were several times throughout the day that I smiled to myself at the memories.

Italicized portions are the parts I didn't know at the time but learned later.
Sunday, March 14, 2010.
It had already been a fantastic day. Early that afternoon, I'd found out that after years of hard work and spending my babysitting money on voice lessons, I'd beat every other high school vocalist in the state of Arizona and got first chair in the All-State choir. I was texting Tucker as I found out, and he nonchalantly asked if the concert would be the same day as Prom like the year before. I joked that if it was, I'd start a petition to change the day of Prom, and he responded "Ok, good, cuz that would really stink." My minds starts to wonder, but I quickly stop myself, remembering Tucker did not actually plan on going to Prom. We also established the fact that he was leaving early the next morning on family trip to Utah for Spring Break and would be gone all week.
*                *                *
A dear friend that I grew up with (we'll just call him "friend") texts Maddy trying to find out if I'd been asked to Prom yet. Maddy tells him she didn't think I'd been asked. He then asks if she's told Tucker, which she had not. Thinking he was trying to find out for Tucker, she then randomly texts Tucker that I had not yet been asked to Prom.
*                 *                 *
Friend also texts Markie to find out if I'd been asked. She happened to get the text during the one hour of time on her trip when her phone actually had service. She also confirmed that I'd not yet been asked.
*                 *                 *
Markie texts Tucker.
M: You're asking Karli to Prom, right? T: Why M: Well, if you are you'd better do it soon, cuz [Friend] wants to ask her. T: I don't know if I can. I'm leaving in the morning... M: Well then someone else is going to ask her.
*                 *                 *
Around 4PM, Tucker calls and texts my mom. He expresses concern that someone else might ask me so he's calling to "stake his claim" and asks permission to ask me to prom. Mom eagerly grants her approval.
*                 *                 *
Tucker texts Friend to let him know that he's asking me to Prom.
*                 *                 *
10 minutes after Tucker called my mom, the doorbell rings. I'm summoned upstairs. A poster on the front lawn with hurried handwriting reads, "A question for you, the answer I must know. To Prom with me? We'll stop the show. To make this 'we', 2 there must be. I have already found you; now you find me. My name be hid among the flags..." There were a bunch of papers taped to skewers with the poster. 5 of them were poked in the grass, but the rest were left on the doormat. A little rushed, no? I picked through the flags until I found Friend's name. I was trying really hard to be happy and excited. We'd been friends for years, and I'd have a fun time with him. But I'd really hoped my Senior Prom would be with someone else, and underneath, I was disappointed.
*                 *                 *
I text Joe, Tucker's text from earlier still floating in my mind... K: This is ridiculous, but do you know if Tucker really was planning on asking me to Prom? J: Last time I talked to him, he wasn't planning on going.
K: Ok, well [Friend] just asked me, but something Tucker said made me wonder... J: Well, if you think he might ask you, then maybe wait to answer [Friend]...
*                 *                 *
Tucker texts me. T: You're not going anywhere for Spring Break, are you? K: No... why? (Because we'd already been over this) T: That's what I thought K: I'm here all week. T: K. I'm gone all week. (Duh.) K: Why? T: Just making sure.
*                 *                 *
I'm confused. My family leaves to go visiting. Ashley Tucker is at Tucker's house for Sunday dinner and helps out with "stuff."
*                 *                 *
8:00PM - I leave for a Junior Staff camp meeting at the church building.
*                 *                 *
Something is happening at my empty house.
*                 *                 *
As I'm pulling into the garage, I notice a shiny, wrapped present with a big red bow behind a bush in the front yard. Oh brother. I walk in, and my whole family has these silly grins on their faces. I grab a flashlight and go collect 10 presents, all with a big red ribbon. The last one, the biggest, was on the roof... Each box was marked with a number, and I took them inside and began opening them in order.
1.

What in the world? Who has these embarrassing pictures of me???

 2.

As least they have a sense of humor...

3.

wait a minute...... Also, that is a hideous picture. Ewe.

4.

Are those rats on skewers?!

5.

Wait a second....Angelo...?!

6.

But you said you weren't going to Prom!!!!!

7.

Awwww! Look at baby Tucker!!!

8.

Well, I certainly think so....

9.

Well, if you're going to pull the sentimental card....

10.

And I really can't argue with his logic on this one....

*                 *                 *
The bottom of the last box was also covered in red Starbursts - my favorite kind. Needless to say, the next morning, I apologetically took an extra large Coldstone over to Friend's house and told him thank you, but I couldn't go to Prom with him. Tucker had my heart, and a week later, we were snuggled up in the back of the airplane on our way to San Francisco with choir.

I'm forever grateful to my mother-in-law for convincing Tucker that he really did need to ask me, to Friend for creating the competition necessary to make Tucker realize that he really did want to ask me, and to Tucker for getting up the guts to ask me in a really cheesy, beautifully romantic, silly way.
And the rest, as they say, is history.