4 Years

"I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"
Probably not the Wuthering Heights quote you'd expect. Usually Catherine's "whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same..." overshadows this darker one.
But Heathcliff's mad desperation at the loss of Catherine - his life and his soul - is just..... 
Tucker is my life and my soul.
It has been that way since the beginning. We are sealed for eternity, and eternity has no beginning nor end. Therefore, we've always been... "us."
Looking back, it's been over a decade of "Karli and Tucker." People knew we were a package deal, even before the romance. 

Now our package just has a couple extra add-ons! ;)

The past year has been a whirlwind, that's for sure. We added Eli to our family, Tucker landed his dream-job, we bought a house and moved, I auditioned for and was cast in a dream role - Belle, and of course, all of this has the normal craziness thrown in with some really hard trials as well.

But one of my favorite things about "Tucker and Karli" is that we face things together. Problems mean we communicate and find a solution. I love that we see it as "us vs. the problem" instead of "me vs. you." And we support each other's successes.

I was at a late rehearsal a few weeks ago while Tucker was home taking care of kids and bedtime, and this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley came to mind:
The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, “You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.”
This is Tucker for me. He has been the most encouraging and supportive husband and father while I've taken on long rehearsals and what will be even longer performance nights.
He helps with cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms and does laundry. After we went out for dinner last night, I zonked out almost immediately while he stayed up helping a very weepy Annie settle down. When I'm craving Cowboy Fries from Filiberto's at 10pm, he reminds me I have spending money and sends me out the door (and doesn't judge me too much when I come home with McDonald's Dr. Pepper, too 😉 ) And when I'm whiny and tired and really want Zoyo, he goes and gets it himself.  A couple weeks ago, I asked him to pick up some bread and milk, and he came home with a dozen red roses! And for our anniversary, he surprised me with a night at the cabin with no kids! It was perfect, and I can't believe how lucky I am to be his wife.

He is quick to point out my strengths, and he encourages and loves me while I strive to overcome my weaknesses. He is constantly looking for feedback and working to improve himself, and I can't even tell you how proud I feel when I think of all that he has accomplished in these past 4 years.
I think that my most favorite thing about our marriage is that we help each other become better and reach our potential. We trust each other to call out our BS and ask for help and offer support and unconditional love. We know that we are better together, and we have so much fun in the process.

My favorite part of the day is in the evening after the kids are in bed when we get to sit and eat ice cream while watching a show or just talking or reading a book together or snuggling or swimming or laughing or whatever! It doesn't even matter. Because as long as we're Tucker and Karli, it's perfect.

our only picture from our weekend at the cabin

That's not to say that WE'RE perfect, though. We make mistakes. Sometimes there are hurt feelings and frustrations. But I feel so safe that WE are each other's priority. We're figuring it out. And we love each other more than anything else. For a couple years, we settled into a normal, comfortable, routine marriage. But it was a little stagnant. The past couple months, we changed that. We found the sparkle again, and it is so much better! I love being married to this man, and I can't wait to say that over and over again for the next 70+ years and into eternity.
Happy 4th Anniversary, my love.

Life Since August (INCLUDING A FEW WEDDING PICTURES)

It was a bad summer for blogging. So many adventures, and not nearly enough of them documented.

Fear not, I am alive. Alive and MARRIED, in fact. And life is awesome. Here's a quick rundown of life since Belgium (including a few wedding pictures the photographer gave me to keep me happy until he finishes all of them).

My flight landed in Phoenix, AZ at 5:30 PM on Saturday, August 24th. A month earlier, Tucker told me his family would all be in Rexburg the weekend I got home, but that we'd make up for it when he got back. I was bummed but not too terribly upset. It was also my parents' anniversary, and they had dinner reservations so I had no idea who was going to pick me up, but I went downstairs and gathered my luggage and sat on the curb to wait. I was talking to Tucker on the phone (since now that I was in the US, I had service) and keeping my eyes peeled for one of my aunt's cars. All of a sudden, Tucker stopped talking, and I looking up to see his truck pulling up in front of me!!! He pulled over as fast as he could (parking illegally) as I tried to wrestle my suitcases down the curb. I finally gave up and just ran to him. After a good, long, much-awaited hug, he tilted my face up and kissed me. Things were just getting fun when a man in an uniform interrupted us and told Tucker he had to move the truck because it was blocking traffic. We apologized, packed up my luggage, and drove off. For months, I'd been craving an big, fat, juicy, American hamburger, so our first stop was In-N-Out. I'm sure the people behind us in the drive-thru line were some combination of annoyed/disgusted/amused, but we couldn't have cared less. Food in hand, Tucker surprised me again by driving out to our spot at Usury pass where we spread out blankets in the back for a picnic and...made up for lost time... ;)

The next day, I spoke in church and had my temple interview with my bishop. Every hour of that week was devoted to wedding preparations. Granny made my dress modest. Wednesday, Tucker and I met with our stake president. On Thursday, we were supposed to go on a date, but that got postponed so that we could pack everything up to move to Utah. In the midst of everything, we started shopping for a car. Friday morning, Tucker and his dad loaded the moving truck. At noon, we filmed some shots with our videographer, and that evening, we took our wedding pictures at the temple under dark, stormy skies. We did get some good shots in before the downpour though. Saturday was pretty relaxed, as I wanted it to be. My endowment session started at 5:30 PM, and it was wonderful to be surrounded with so many people who love me. People say a lot of weird things to you before you go through the temple, trying to prepare you, but honestly, I have no clue what they were talking about. For me, it was a beautiful, peaceful, simple experience that only strengthened my testimony that families are forever. After that, Tucker and I attended a session at least once a week.

Sunday, September 1st, Tucker's dad drove with us all the way up to Provo. I got to see our apartment for the first time, and on Monday, we unloaded the moving truck and my storage unit (Tucker was rather appalled at how much stuff I have...) and got the things we needed from campus to start school the next day.

It's a hard semester. Classes would be time-consuming even without the wedding, so the craziness just kept mounting. Every day, we'd walk home together, make dinner, do homework and unpack some more, watch a movie if we really needed to relax, and then I'd grab breakfast and clothes for the next day, and Tucker would walk me 30 minutes to Maddy's apartment where I slept on the couch for two weeks.

Stressful as they were, those two weeks went by quickly, and soon, it was time to pack for Arizona (only after working with our teachers and turning in assignments and taking tests early). Thursday morning, Tucker and I, along with most of the bridal party, flew home to good ol' Mesa. It was a warm, sunny day, and everyone was running back and forth making with last-minute preparations. Mom miraculously found some gorgeous red shoes for me, and things that suddenly didn't matter so much got pushed to the back burner.

Thursday evening, Tucker's family hosted the dinner, and I think everyone had tons of fun. We loved seeing everyone, the food was absolutely delicious, and we really felt the love and support from everyone. For pictures and a more detailed description, check out Tucker's mom's post about it. That night, the boys kidnapped Tucker for some Super Smash Bro.s, and I went with the girls to Markie's house for pazookies and games and lots of laughing. Love those girls so much! I got home around 11:30 and sat up with Mom for a little while longer as she hemmed pants and finished a few things. I had absolutely no problem falling asleep, and woke the next day feeling completely calm.

I was up out of bed at 7:00, and nothing felt different. I took a shower and calmly wandered the house, taking time to love on Troy and Tressie. Sherry arrived at 8:00 and started the long process of curling and teasing and twisting and pinning and smoothing and hair-spraying. Then Kaylani showed up a little after 9:00 with Jamba Juice for everyone, ready to do my make-up. After a slight almost-fiasco involving Jamba Juice and the wedding dress, I made sure my temple bag was ready and painted the nails on my left hand. I quickly wrote out a short letter to my sweetheart and snuck it into his temple bag when he came to pick me up at 11:15. I don't remember any stress up to that point. We walked into the temple, a little dazed that in a few hours, we'd walk out as husband and wife. They verified our recommends, we got ready, and then met our sealer, Melvin Huber, my Grandma Joyce's cousin. At first, I didn't really care who our sealer was, as long as we ended up sealed, right? But I am SO glad we asked him. He talked for a long time to everyone, and it was so personal and beautiful and significant to us. Almost everyone in the room was crying. I will always remember the moment I was barely able to choke out "Yes" to accepting Tucker as my eternal companion, my husband for all time and eternity. There were many heartfelt and tearful congratulations and hugs as everyone filed out of the room after the ceremony. Tucker and I got a couple more moments with the sealer before we were ushered to our separate rooms to get our fancy wedding clothes on. Kaylani and Mom helped me into my dress, and then we went out to find Tucker. All our family and some of our closest friends were outside waiting for us, and when we walked out of the temple hand in hand, we were rushed by a large crowd of small children. It was fun though, and all the little girls wanted to smell my roses. Older cousins kept handing me little cousins to hold, which got a little crazy. We gathered everyone together for a couple big group pictures on the temple steps. The plan was to take some smaller group pictures after that, but suddenly, everyone was complaining how hot it was (Tucker and I honestly didn't even notice), and they all disappeared into their cars to get home out of the 106-degree heat. I was a little bummed we didn't get more pictures, but oh well I guess.

in our own little world...

Tucker and I drove home to his house where we lounged (as much as I could in my big dress) on the couch and ate lunch. We made a quick trip to my house to make sure my bags were packed and that we had the cake topper for the reception. Back at his house, it was getting crazy as people were running every which way getting dressed and setting things up and making everything look pretty for the reception. Sherry changed up my hair-do a little bit, leaving part of it down and curled, and I was able to finally paint the nails on my right hand. With only a few minutes to go until the reception was supposed to start, we were able to snap a couple quick family pictures with my family and his family and our parents. Once again, I was a little bummed we didn't have time for more, but I try not to dwell on it.

picture courtesy of my cousin, Dee

The reception was absolutely beautiful, and I think everyone had fun. We stood in line for a long time shaking hands and hugging people, but it was good to see everyone. I wish we could have at least eaten though. Once the line was disbanded, I really started feeling the stress. Why? Because twelve different people came up to me and asked what was supposed to happen next or what was going on or where something was, and I had absolutely no idea! I'm the bride! Why would I know? But really, it wasn't that big a deal. And when the cake knife went missing, we got to cut our cake with the Samurai sword we'd just received as a gift. Awesome! We were able to fit in a first dance and a couple fun songs. Tucker surprised me with yet ANOTHER song he'd written for me, which was wonderful, but I wish I would have known he was planning something so that I could have had something prepared and not looked stupid when my father-in-law caught me off guard by announcing over the microphone to the hundreds of guests that I would be singing something impromptu with no accompaniment. Definitely not my best moment, especially at my own wedding reception, but whatever. By that time, we were ready to get out of there. There was some drama finding my dress in the car and making sure we had everything, and I'm publicly apologizing for any impatient, snappy comments during that time, but I have an awesome mom and awesome bridesmaids and an awesome husband, and everything was ok. With everything ready, the guests lined up with sparklers, and we ran through and jumped in the car. Finally!!!

Tucker and I spent a long weekend at a resort in Scottsdale, eating popcorn and pizza and ice cream and fudge oreos. We watched the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies and sat in the hot tub with a girl who looked like she was in high school and an old fat guy. Definitely romantic. ;) Basically just enjoyed being lazy together. It rocked. Plus, I was pretty impressed with the king suite Tucker got for a freakin' awesome deal. :) Monday morning, we got up and packed everything in our new little black Honda, Eugene. The drive to Provo was pretty uneventful, and everything went well. We unloaded all our wedding gifts into our little living room and were so happy that Tucker didn't have to walk me home that night.

the only picture from the honeymoon - Ice cream for breakfast. :)

Life since then has been pretty great. Tucker's had a couple good job interviews (crossing our fingers!!!). Classes have been hard, but doable. I had my first choir concerts of the year last weekend. My parents came up for an alumni conference and treated us to a Costco shopping trip, so we're just living large and feeling pretty great about life in general right now.

We still have moments where it hits us, "Hey, we're actually married!!!!" But mostly, it just feels so normal and right. I love living with my best friend. I love lying in bed late at night and laughing. I love being Sister Denton at church now. I love making dinner and organizing our apartment. I love talking and planning and figuring out life together.

Mostly, I just love Tucker. I love the way he serves me, making lunches and having dinner waiting when I get home from work late. The cute notes he leaves for me to find. The way he calls me pretty girl and when he surprises me after class. I knew he'd make an amazing husband, but life with him is even better than I could ever imagine, and I wake up every day feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

Chapter 5: Down On One Knee

Wednesday, June 5th, 2013, Tucker was sick so I didn't get to see him at all until later that evening. I was starting to panic a little bit about any time we didn't spend together because I only had 10 days left on the continent. After putting the little siblings to bed, we were discussing wedding plans when Tucker apologized because he just didn't see how he could possibly find a ring and pull off a proposal with only a few days to go.

Thursday, June 6th, 2013, Tucker spent part of the morning at my house while my aunt, my mom, and I made a wedding cake for someone. He left right before noon to run some errands, and I didn't see him until later that evening when I went to his house. After a couple hours, we got a text from my parents asking if we wanted to come talk about "school and career paths." Uh oh. So we went and sat at my kitchen table with my mom and dad and talked about our life plans for the next few years. 

After an hour, the conversation started to wind down, and Tucker spoke up, looking at my mom and me, "So, would you guys mind if I talked to Brother West alone for a minute?" 

Ummmmm.....what?! This?! Right now?! Really?!

My mom tried to turn her head away before I could see her grinning, and we both stood up from the table and walked downstairs. I immediately flopped onto the Monster-Sak and buried my head under the giant, stuffed dog to block out any conversation from upstairs, but my mom stood in the hallway trying to catch snippets. After another ten or fifteen minutes, we heard a "We're done!" summoning us back up. When I reached the top of the stairs, Tucker was shaking my dad's hand saying, "Thank you, Brother West," and then they hugged. I walked him outside to the car, but he wouldn't say anything about the conversation, and we said goodnight.

We spent pretty much all of Friday together without talking about his conversation with my dad, and Saturday night, we doubled with his cousin, Ashley, and her husband for an awesome indoor picnic and game night. At one point, the conversation turned to Ashley's wedding ring, and Marc leaned over to Tucker and asked, in Spanish, if he had ring for me yet. Tucker quickly answered back also in Spanish, "Careful, dude. She understands," ending the conversation. Luckily, I didn't know the Spanish word for "ring" at the time, but I gathered enough from the sneaky glances and the way Tucker abruptly put an end to further questioning. We loved spending time together, but the "goodnight" at the end of each day became harder and harder as my departure date was suddenly less than a week away.

Sunday evening, we did dinner with Tucker's family. His uncle, who is from France, educated me on cheese and Belgian pâtisseries, and then we went to my family's house for dessert. Once things settled down for the night, we sat in the living room and talked about the possibility of September 20th as a wedding date. For some reason, in all our discussing, we'd somehow skipped over that weekend, and it seemed perfect, giving us just enough time to plan and before the school semester really gets brutal. Tucker also said he'd talked to his mom about taking pre-engagement pictures the following week, just to check one more big thing off the list before I left. So the plan was 1) take engagement pictures, 2) find a dress, 3) me to go Belgium, 4) Tucker find a ring and an apartment, 5) me come back, 6) get engaged, 7) plan a wedding, 8) move up to Provo, and 9) come home and get married. Crazy? Maybe a little. But doable at least. Kinda.

Exactly one month ago - Monday, June 10, 2013 - was the day I almost became an Avenger. But really. I didn't get to see Tucker all day because I was in Phoenix being injected with radioactive substance in a hospital across the street from a building called Thor Medical. I'd been having a lot of weird stomach problems, so I had to get lots of tests before I flew to Belgium, making my week even busier. Since the kids were still playing with cousins, Mom and I stopped on the way home to begin wedding dress shopping. I tried on about 8 dresses, just to start getting a feel for what styles worked on me, and surprisingly, I really liked one of them. 

The night before during our talk, Tucker had asked if I wanted to go out to dinner before going over to Granny's welcome home from Texas party at 6:30. I got home from dress shopping with a little bit of time to get ready, and Tucker was at my door a couple minutes after 5, wearing one of my favorite shirts of his. We said goodbye to my mom, promising to not be too long, and stepped outside. I was excited when I saw we were taking the truck. Lots of memories in that thing, but younger brother Ben drives it now, so it was a fun surprise that we got it for the evening. One quick glance at the blanket in the back told me we were driving out to our spot in the desert for a picnic. During the drive out there, the thought occurred to me that it would be really awesome if he proposed out here, but someday, not necessarily today. I was totally convinced of the plan we'd discussed the previous night. I was a little surprised we were driving out there for only a short picnic though, since it usually includes a long playlist of our songs and star-gazing, but I didn't dwell on it. We found the campground and parked in the shade of the saguaro, facing away from the sun since it was still a little early for sunset. We spread the blanket out in the bed of the truck and ate our PB&J and sipped lemonade and ate melted chocolate, all while talking and laughing and just being us. The weather was cooling down for the evening, and it was getting to that time of day where everything glows golden. We'd finished eating and were just sitting comfortably when Tucker turned to me and said, "Hey, I have a surprise for you. Go sit over there up on the edge and close your eyes. I'll be right back." I did as he asked, sitting on the edge with my eyes closed, complaining a little about the sun, but grinning and humming to myself all the same (Yes, I was having Prom deja vu for those of you who know that awesome story). I heard Tucker opening the truck doors and rummaging around. He climbed back up into the bed of the truck, & fiddled with some latches before settling himself on the opposite edge facing me.

I opened my eyes to see my love sitting across from me with the guitar across his lap. After a brief explanation, he began to play and sing a song called "Karli Jo Denton" that he'd been slowly writing for some time. All I remember is that it was super cute (I'm gonna hafta make him play it for me again), and that I couldn't stop grinning. The thought of a proposal crossed my mind again, but I ignored it. The song ended, and Tucker said something about how he thinks I'm awesome. NOTE: This is where my brain starts going fuzzy. There was some nervous, silly banter, and bringing up a joke we often repeated, I said, "Well, maybe we should just get married then."

Except then there was a pause.

Tucker looked up at me. "Ya think so?"

I scrunched up my nose and grinned, nodding.

"Well, in that case......." 

Tucker slid off the edge of the truck and leaned over, pulling something out of the guitar case.

He turned to me on one knee, a ring-box in his hands and eternity in his eyes. I don't remember what was said until I heard the words, "Will you marry me?"

"YES!"

I slid off the edge of the truck and into his arms. I couldn't stop hugging and kissing him, and I was laughing from pure shock and happiness. After a few moments, Tucker pulled back to look at me and said, "You didn't even look at the ring!" 

Oh yeah! A ring!

I backed up and pulled off the ruby ring I'd worn since I was 16. I held my hand out, and was suddenly doing some giggly, wiggly, happy dance to get him to put the ring on my finger. NOTE: Tucker will happily reenact this dance for you, but keep in mind that it's probably really exaggerated. He slid the sparkly, gold band on, and I went back to hugging and kissing him.

We snapped a couple quick pictures before Tucker announced it was time to get back in the car. Oh yeah, Granny's welcome home party. We got on the freeway (after a big to-do because my phone disappeared), and Tucker turned to me and said, "Ok, and now I have to tell you all the times I've lied to you in the past week. I wasn't ever sick. And I wasn't running errands on Thursday - I was ring shopping. And I bought the ring on Thursday and had it on Saturday." I grinned. The turd. But I didn't even care at at all. I soon realized that I was going to have to announce this to my whole family within a few minutes. Knowing my dad would still be at work, I began a more frantic search for my phone. When I still couldn't find it, I just grabbed Tucker's and dialed my dad's number hoping he'd pick up. I knew he had to be first on the list. Luckily, he answered, and I let him know that yes, it was a bit earlier than we'd discussed, but we were officially engaged.

I twisted the diamond ring around on my finger to hide the sparkly bit when we pulled up to the party at The Compound. We got out of the truck and walked up to the house hand in hand, a little nervous. We walked in the door to Granny's house and were immediately greeted with a chorus of "Surprise!!!!!" and "Happy Early Birthday!!!!" And then everyone broke into song and began marching around me. Apparently Tucker's surprises weren't over. He'd orchestrated a surprise early birthday party for me since I'd be leaving before mine. :) I blew out the candles and thanked all my family, the engagement still unknown. The chaos died down, and I led Tucker over to where my mom stood behind the couch. I grabbed her hand and inconspicuously pressed the ruby ring into her palm. She turned her hand over and stared at it for a second, and then her eyes went immediately to new ring that had replaced it.

And then she screamed. :) It was a happy scream, but it was definitely a loud scream. :) Everyone turned, and she held up my hand for everyone to see. And then there was a lot more screaming and lots of hugs and "Congratulations!" and pats on the back and "Finally!!!!" and "When?!" and just all sorts of happy noise. :) 

We ate some cake and visited a little bit before heading off to Tucker's house so his family could officially celebrate. We walked in, and his dad walked up and gave me a huge hug and kissed my head, and his mom was laughing because she knew all along, and the little sisters were going crazy, and the little brothers were asking why I didn't tell Tucker "no." :) It was awesome. We ended the night at my house having a good discussion with my parents, and everything was right with the world.

In the next few days, I tried on over 40 dresses, and actually ended up finding THE one. We also got our engagement pictures done, thanks to the awesomest future mother-in-law ever. Wedding planning no longer had to be covert, and I could start publicly asking advice instead of through private messages.

And then I left. I flew 5000 miles to Brussels, Belgium. And two days later, Tucker flew up to Provo. And there we've been ever since. We text every day (thank you, iMessaging!). We Skype when we can. I wake up in the morning and get ready for work just as he's getting in bed for the night. And it's tough.

But one month ago today, the kindest, most amazing, spiritual, perfect-for-me man asked me to be his wife, 

and I said yes.

And in 72 days, we will be sealed as husband and wife for time and all eternity.