Major Changes

First of all, the weather's been absolutely nutso! Last week, we were all in T-shirts and shorts laying out in the 50-60 degree sunshine. However, this past weekend, the clouds blew in bringing with them a late winter storm. Sunday morning, the ground was frosted with snow, and we had on-and-off blizzards for the rest of the day and all night long. So this morning, I made sure to put leggings on under my pants and my boots for trudging through the snow up to campus. And then by 2:00, the clouds were clearing. By the time I walked home at 5, it was a beautiful, sunny afternoon with no trace of snow except the mucky grass and gutters. By Friday, it's supposed to be in the 70s, but I don't trust Utah enough to pack away my winter wardrobe just yet. 

But look!

Spring is really coming!

And with it, comes the return of my optimism!

Guess what!!!

I have a direction to my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm no longer in limbo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not gonna be in college forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. Freak out over. Would you like an explanation? :) 

I am no longer a pre-music major. As of Thursday, I am officially a student of the BYU School of Music. Now before you freak out and congratulate me, :) let me explain. 

I've tried out for the School of Music 3+ times, and I've never been admitted. I've been taking private lessons with the faculty for 2 years (talk about expensive...). I was admitted to BYU Singers as a Freshman. Each year, people said, "Oh, you'll get in." And I never did. I thought this would be my year. Vocal Performance holds tough competition, and over the years, it's only gotten worse. The process consists of submitting a pre-screening DVD by the end of November. The 4 faculty members watch them (over 100), and pick the top 30 to come back at the end of January for a live audition. I got into the top 30 this year, but then they realized they had way too many sopranos and not enough in the other voice parts, so I got butted to make room for someone. Then after lots of fasting and praying on my part, the faculty informed me that I could in fact come back for a live audition. I sang. I felt good about it. I listened to some of the competition and still felt confident. And then I waited for 6 weeks. The vocal department only lets 10 people in a year, and they've become more strict with balancing men and women, so really, there are only 5 spots open. 

I began to hear rumors that people were hearing back and getting accepted, but I never heard anything. Finally, I went in for a voice lesson, and Darrell asked if I'd heard back yet. When I said I hadn't, he was surprised and proceeded to tell me that it probably wasn't good news. I swallowed that, and instead of singing, we spent the rest of the hour talking through my options at this point. See, I have 90+ credits. And I'm only 19. Some people think that's great, but it's actually a really hard position to be in because it means you have to be in a program for your major. BYU likes to have some idea of when you'll graduate. By the way, through everything, Darrell has been my number 1 advocate. I can't even tell you how blessed I am to have him as my teacher. He fights for me and invests himself even when it shouldn't really matter to him. Anyway, as I was getting ready to leave, Darrell told me I was allowed to cry. 

Ah crap. Note to everybody, do NOT tell me I'm allowed to cry.

I'd been doing such a good job staying level and talking through things and not getting emotional, but as soon as he said that, the flood gates opened, and thus started the pattern for the next two weeks. 

Remember the chocolate post? Yeah, this is what started it. 

Everything made me cry. 

Every. Single. Little. Thing. 

I'd be standing in choir and my eyes would start leaking because I just felt not good enough. I've always been one to have pride issues, not lack of self confidence issues, so this was all a new experience for me. I'd walk to work and have a melt down as soon as I was alone in the office. I went in to see Dr. Staheli and cried to him for twenty minutes. I called Opa to sing him Happy Birthday before bed, and ended up bawling while I listened to him and Granny.  Basically, I was just a mess. And I couldn't control it. It actually got to be a problem, and it took 2 priesthood blessings and many, MANY inspired friends and family to pull me out of that dark place. If you were one of those who sent me an email or a text or called me or came over to give me a blessing or just check on me or let me cry to you, I thank you. You have no idea how big a role you played, and I will forever be thankful. I have the best people in my life. I truly believe Heavenly Father asked you to help me, and you responded. Blessings for you! :)

Remember, this has a happy ending. ;)

So gradually, I started digging myself out of my hole. I was ready to face life. I still felt stuck because I had no major declared and no way to declare one, but I knew I just had to make decisions. But I wanted  to take my time. I needed to talk to lots of people, hear all sorts of opinions before I could choose a direction. Through all of this, I kept having the thought to go talk to the Dean of Admissions through the School of Music. The same guy who's had to send me rejection letters a bajillion times. He knew who I was. We talked through my options, and figured out logistics. I'm still not sure how it happened, but before I left his office, I was a music major. Well, kinda. I'm a general music major, meaning I'm set to get a Bachelor of Arts in Music. So not Vocal Performance. To be honest, I didn't even know this other major existed. It requires more history classes, but I like history, and I still get to do theory, sight-singing, and dictation. It will allow me to explore different areas that I wouldn't get to if I was strictly performance. I can choose later whether I want to transfer into Vocal Performance, but I'm not sure if I will. 

We'll see what happens. 

But at least I have a direction to my life! I've had to wait a long time for this. I'm excited for the future. Sure, I don't get to go home for Spring or Summer semesters this year now because I have to catch up in music classes (you should come visit me if you're doing nothing because I'll be by myself), and I'll be a 5-year college student, but I'll be doing what I love, and it'll actually count toward something.

So that's my story. Life is good. 

And so is chocolate. ;)