"No" means "Yes," and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours." - Meg from Hercules

FALSE.

Remember ROTC dude I ranted about in my last post? Maybe you stopped reading before that. Anyway, the story has some newly revealed twists. The midnight texts? Mass texts to several girls. He's tried to kiss a few of us (thank goodness not me, cuz I probably would have severely impaired his ability to produce any offspring in the future) and succeeded in at least one (within days of confessing his "love" for me, and now he wonders why she won't stop texting him...). The story is the same from every other girl. Repeated attempts to push boundaries and ignoring blunt demands that things stay on a "just friends" level.

How do I know all this?

I was ranting tonight at dinner, not using any names, and the story sounded oddly familiar to a few of the other girls.

So we decided to do something about it.

We figured we'd do the poor guy a favor, and open his eyes to the vicious world of girls and their emotions. We had some rather tempting ideas of revenge (some involved being strapped to a chair while each girl one by one walked in to give him advice blinding him with a bright light or just punching him in the face....kidding :) ...kinda....) but in the end, we just decided to write him a mass of notes, tape them to his door tomorrow and write a long letter explaining things to him. Typical college. I know.

The letter is brilliant, if I do say so myself. :) Not mean, but blunt. And encouraging at the end. Our goal is to help and teach him. Hopefully, he'll realize what he needs to in the next month before his mission.


****-
Here's the deal, Buddy. You say you're focused on your mission, but it seems like you've got your mind elsewhere right now. It's actually rather insulting to us that you're just trying to get some action before you leave. You don't care who the girl is, so long as she falls for all your counterfeit sensitivity and conniving ways. If you think you've been getting away with your games, you're wrong. Honestly, we're all pretty angry and came up with some great plans of revenge. This is the most mild form we could settle on. No more mass midnight texts. No moonlit strolls. No pulling moves. I advise even no hugs because it's awkward when they mean something different to you than they do to us. We're not dumb, so please don't treat us like we are. What made you think you'd get away with this in the first place? Take the hint. We're not interested. We want you to go on a mission. Get your mind where it should be, and quit preying on girls' emotions. Be glad it's us and not some vicious unforgiving psychos. Also, we'd much rather you talk in person and not do all conversing through text. Advice for the future? Leave out the virtual smilies and lols. You're not a 14-yr-old girl. In case you thought you had girls all figured out, you don't. Girls "save" their kisses. They're special. Respect that. What makes you the kissing expert anyway? No more. Don't try. You're only causing harm. We write this with the belief that you didn't know what you were doing or what you were getting yourself into. We expect you to change your behavior toward women. Hopefully, this experience has taught you not to mess with us. We know our Divine Worth, and we will not be treated as anything less. Consider this a learning opportunity. May it save you a lot of trouble in your far-distant, post-mission relationships. You're a good guy. Now be ready to serve the Lord!
-The girls who look out for each other


Love,
Me and my sarcastic, prideful, vengeful self