And just like that...

My junior year of college is finished.

What?

In some ways, I still feel like I'm fresh out of high school, like I've only been up here a semester. Still adjusting to life, still getting homesick, still wishing I was with my Mesa friends, still trying to figure myself out.

And in other ways, I realize it really has been three years. Three years of Singers, of friends getting engaged and married and pregnant, of trying over and over again to get into my program, of learning to get along with roommates, of 111 class credits, of working and paying bills and filing taxes, of non-stop voice lessons....

Also, three years of stuff I've accumulated in my room, which I am now attempting to pack into boxes. Hi, my name's Karli, and I get emotionally attached to empty soda bottles and Chinese paper lanterns and candy wrappers.

I guess I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. I'm in my program now - officially vocal performance, set to graduate April 2015. I have a direction to my life. I have a dream-job. I've spent 3 of my last 4 summers in Europe. I've studied languages. I've learned to live in the snow, and I think that T-shirts are acceptable when temps are in the 50s. I can plan trips without any parental consent.

I think I'm growing up a little. And so are my friends. And it makes me a little bit sad. I've always felt pretty strongly that I'll end up back in Mesa eventually. And I always just thought my friends would be the same. We'd all end up back in Mesa together, raising our kids, going to our Alma Mater's football games, getting together for summer barbecues with the same old crew. And I'm realizing more and more that those dreams were pretty unrealistic. And it makes me sad. We all have different goals in life that will take us different places. Some friends fall in love with people from another state, and their lives will forever be spent between the two. Some friends will move completely away from any family for school and jobs, and they'll grow their roots somewhere else. Why can't we just all marry each other and spend the rest of our lives eating bacon mac & cheese and cinnamon rolls and Sonic limeades?! I know I've made new friends. and lots of them are awesome. But Provo is not my home. And I'm coming to realize that I've left my roots in Mesa. I've always thought of Provo as a temporary phase of life, and Mesa as permanent. But for lots of my friends, Mesa was also just a temporary phase.

I miss us.

I don't really know where this is going. I'm obviously feeling nostalgic.

Also, as much as I love these people and am happy for them, I'm sick of being the third wheel. Or the seventh wheel.