"Waiting" for a Missionary: A Taboo Topic

I don't know if anyone ever exactly plans on waiting for a missionary. 2 years with no contact except a few short sentences scrawled out in a hurry sent through snail mail and maybe emails depending on the mission? 

You'd be crazy. 

And then you have to deal with all the talk. Waiting for a missionary isn't exactly widely accepted among the LDS culture. There's absolutely no church doctrine against it (and many of the current church leaders actually wrote their now wives while on their missions), but people in general have developed a bad taste towards the idea mostly from bad personal experiences. And let's be honest, I'm not afraid to admit that most of the time it simply doesn't work out. Two years is a long time. People change. Feelings change. And there is certainly no shortage of RMs waiting to sweep up any girl missing the comforts that come with having a male around.

People judge you. If he's really being the best missionary he could be, he can't possibly be writing to you. People can be rude. They say whatever they're thinking and then laugh about it. If you don't learn quick to laugh with them and ignore it, it can hurt. As soon as they find out you're keeping in contact with a missionary "friend," they launch into some story about a former companion who got "dear johned" and couldn't focus on the work. Or a companion who had a faithful girlfriend and couldn't focus on the work. Or a companion who went home early because he missed his girlfriend too much.  For some reason, people are quick to remember the negative stories. And there are certainly a lot of them. But just like anything in life, if you look for the positive, you will find it.

Somehow, a lot of people begin this adventure, and only a few actually finish it. The wait is different for everybody. Some people dated a long time before the mission, and some people randomly started writing a missionary at one of those "let's write the missionaries" church activities and actually connected. Some girls choose to date, while others feel that dating is unfaithful and wrong. Some girls go out and fill their lives with adventure, crossing off bucket list items, and some girls sit in their room with a gallon of chocolate ice cream and a stack of chick flicks and DVRed episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. Some write letters every day, and some only every few months. Some have solid plans for the future, while some are merely hoping. But regardless of how you wait, it's a roller-coaster of emotions.

So what has been my own experience with "waiting"? Well....

Two years ago, I said goodbye to one of the most important people in my life. I didn't plan for my life to go that way. I wasn't one of those girls who thought of writing a missionary as romantic. I didn't have a boyfriend in high school. In fact, with all those painful years of training my emotions and hiding my developing feelings from my Best friend, I wasn't even planning on confessing anything until after Tucker's mission anyway. And if I didn't do it then, Joe threatened to do it for me. So, we didn't really ever date. However, when Tucker finally realized half-way through senior year that I was a girl too, things changed a little bit. By the end of the school year, it was well established how we felt about each other, but we didn't ever become exclusive. We felt it was important to follow the Church's counsel to save serious dating for after missions, and so we continued to go on groups dates with lots of different friends. School ended, and things moved quickly. A little too quickly. Everything just worked between us. It was easy. Growing up together, there were no major surprises, and we fell hard in love. BRAKES! Oh yeah. The mission. So we stopped it all. We made new friends and focused on school and only saw each other a couple times a week at most. Painful? Yes. But while I would never want to go through that again, I soon realized why it was necessary. We both grew so much that year. I learned to lean on the Lord and receive my own answers to prayer. I met the 3 best "brothers" who took care of me. Tucker completed his mission papers and received his call to the New York New York South mission, Spanish speaking. And the friendship between Tucker and I grew even stronger and deeper without the complications of romance. And then about two months before he left, Tucker unexpectedly felt very strongly that we needed to establish how we actually felt about each other. So we did, and he confessed he wanted me to wait for him.

But what does "waiting" mean exactly? I certainly wasn't going to sit around for two years waiting for him to come home. In fact, I actually hate the term "waiting" for that very reason, the negative connotation associated with it. I much prefer "preparing." Preparing for the future, regardless of whatever that future may be.

And so he left, and we wrote. I wrote weekly letters, and he wrote when he had time, which sometimes was only every 3 weeks. People told me I was a distraction, but I simply answered that I was following the Lord's plan for me personally and that Tucker was following the Lord's plan for him personally, and that if those happened to match up in the future, then great. When I asked Tucker about it, he pointed out to me that I can't make him trunky. Only he has the power to choose how he reacts to things and that if he ever got distracted, it was because of his own weakness. And many of my missionary friends have told me that most of the time, it is mail from family, not girlfriends, that makes a missionary the most trunky. Granted, that didn't mean I went crazy with the letters. I asked him questions about his mission and the people he was meeting, which he didn't have time to answer usually, and I kept him up to date on the lives of all our friends. I sent packages every few months, usually full of junk food, and he sent me his name-tag the first Christmas that I've kept on my key-chain on the same ring as the yellow knot of cloth from the Title of Liberty we made in Bro. Peterson's seminary class to remind us of what we're fighting for daily.

Did I date while he was gone? Kinda yes and no. Yes, I went on several casual, fun dates with nice guys. I almost always said yes if a guy asked me out and I was free, but I never got into a relationship. It wasn't something I stressed over. If I felt like going, great! If not, great!

Sometimes, it was hard. I watched a LOT of Say Yes to the Dress. I ate a LOT of ice cream. and I ate a LOT of Oreos and peanut butter. I cried. I got lazy in some classes and stopped caring. I never bothered to really develop friendships in my ward. I went through a phase of depression that lasted 3 months. I ate too much Taco Bell. I didn't sleep enough. I was late to my first class almost every morning.

And sometimes, I was really adventurous. I toured England and Wales. I read the entire Book of Mormon in Spanish. I studied languages. I got into my major. I volunteered. I went on random roadtrips. I entered into competitions and did lots of auditions. I almost died when our car spun out on black ice. I took random classes. I started eating out every once in awhile and trying new foods from all around the world. I developed a love for fancy cheese. I made some awesome friends. I served in my church calling. I quit my old job and got an amazing new one. I received scholarships. I considered serving a mission. I read books and watched movies. I adopted 3 fish, 2 of which are still living. I've saved money. I've lived in 2 different apartments. I renewed my love of gymnastics and strengthened my body in the process, and I've strengthened my testimony of my Savior.

So....

Tucker comes home tomorrow. While things have worked out well so far, no one can actually know what will happen. But I feel completely confident in the fact that I have not wasted these last two years. I have grown as an individual. I know more about who I am and the things I want to do with my life. And I will never regret this time of my life. It's a little strange to think that this big part of my life is coming to a close, but I'm ready for the next adventure. I'm ready to see what the future brings. And I will forever be thankful for the opportunity I have had to write Elder Denton as he served the Lord's children in New York. His last group email confirmed to me that he has grown into a mighty man of God. He has changed and matured more than I ever expected, and I am so blessed to have him back in my life.

To quote Markie: "Have you seen this?! It's about you and Tucker!"
Letters, New York, coming home... I can dig. :)